doubleppk | [Open-ish Log]

Who: Fujiko, Gokudera, possibly others who run into Fujiko (sub, Vongola, Roxas, or people with a reason to be there only please)
Where: Sub to Vongola.
What: Fujiko's smoking a cigarette and helping Gokudera who got his hand trapped.
When: After her date with Havoc, before picking up Lupin (Valentine's Night)
Why: She's emotional
Rating: PG-13 for language and Gokudera/Fujiko's respective tempers

Fujiko needed a cigarette break and now. The post was mortifying although she felt she was doing a decent job covering up the embarrassment. On the other hand, Havoc had managed to disarm all of the traps to her room, sneak in that morning and wake her up with a smile on his face. He'd gotten a boxing glove trap to the face for it, but when she realized it was Havoc and not Lupin they talked. She mentioned Lupin showing up at dinner and he hadn't been thrilled, but he wasn't saying much of what he thought of it.

She need a reality check. Her adopted little brother, however much he hated it. And that meant seeking out Gokudera. Where the hell was he anyway?

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He reached out and grabbed her arm, a pained but determined look on his face; all this time, he hoped to see her, to tell her that he wasn't just avoiding her on purpose, but his fever was so strong that he didn't know how to phrase it. Suddenly, a ping of controlled thought.

"It's not fair... that you assume I'd just left you behind like that...!! A-and then... you talk like you... never wanted to see me again in the first place...! So... frustrating..."

After a ragged breath, "You weren't the only one who felt alone--!"

"Lupin..." she almost wanted to cry. "Every time I tell you not to look for me, you do it anyway. When I want you around you never are. Even if I said I loved you now..." her heart felt like it was breaking. "You'd run away," she mumbled softly, turning her back on him and staring out at the ocean. "Or maybe I would. Doesn't matter much, does it?" She shook her head. Why couldn't they just once say they loved each other without one of them dying? "You'll find someone else," she choked bitterly, "Because you always do." Because they couldn't be honest ever. Because they couldn't get their act together. Because even if she loved him he broke her heart without meaning to.

Lupin closed his eyes, fighting to stay awake. He couldn't pass out now, after finally trying to speak with her, without the sex appeal and the uncontrollable passion. He liked having this one moment where neither of those weaknesses could rain on their parades.

"Every time I found someone else..." he said, his body growing more slack with time. "...I just saw you."

The hand that gripped her wrist firmly loosened and quivered, as if he tried to bring back the strength his arm had previously possessed. Instead he released her and let it fall to his side.

"...I guess I'm just a love-sick puppy..."

He closed his eyes.

"... I can't... lose... anymore..."

And, dammit,

he was gone again.

"Idiot..." Fujiko mumbled softly, sadly. Lose what more? Lupin usually cam out fairly on top for him. "If you lose me, I was already gone..." If? There shouldn't really be a question involved. She didn't want to run off to another man and still pine over Lupin, a might have been, a could be, a someday if only things were different.

The memories with Havoc were fake. The times she'd been rescued by him were actually times Lupin had rescued her. Running off to bust him out of prison, that was Lupin too. But with Parker, it was never about the fake memories for her. Nor him. It was about who he was. A different kind of might be. Even if she thought Lupin wouldn't run on her or that she wouldn't run on him how much could it really mean if they still hadn't gotten it to work after all these years.

She waited for help and tended his wounds best he could. However cowardly it was, Fujiko's back wasn't to a wall, she was running away. But for tonight, she'd tend his wounds.

[Open-ish Log]

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